HI, I JUST RECEIVED THIS ONE AND ABOUT DIED LAUGHING!!! YOU HAVE TO READ
IT, AND SEE HOW MANY YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU GET TO THE VERY BOTTOM, TO
DETERMINE IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS DIRT! I BET YOU ARE!!!

I WAS!
BRENDA

Older 'n Dirt!!

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day,

"What was your favorite fast food when you
were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,"

I informed him. "All the food was slow."

"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained.

"Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa
got home from work, we sat down together at
the dining room table, and if I didn't like what
she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there
until I did like it."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was
afraid he was going to suffer serious internal
damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how
I had to have permission to leave the table. But
here are some other things I would have told
him about my childhood if I figured his system
could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house,
wore Levi's, set foot on a golf course, traveled
out of the country or had a credit card.

In their later years they had something called a revolving
charge card. The card was good only at Sears
Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe
he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice.
This was mostly because we never had heard of
soccer.

I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50
pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but
my grandparents had one before that. It was, of
course, black and white, but they bought a piece
of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top
third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third
was green, like grass. The middle third was red.
It was perfect for programs that had scenes of
fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a
sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the
front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was
called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned
the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off,
swung down, plastered itself against my chin
and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza
I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that,
the only car in our family was my grandfather's
Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only
phone in the house was in the living room and it
was on a party line. Before you could dial, you
had to listen and make sure some people you
didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But
milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and
all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a
newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents
a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had
to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday,
I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers.
My favorite customers were the ones who gave
me 50 cents and told me to keep the change.
My least favorite customers were the ones who
seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At
least, they did in the movies. Touching someone
else's tongue with yours was called French
kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't
know what they did in French movies. French
movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to
see them.